I didn't even know I needed it.

So sometimes you're going through life just fine and dandy. Apartment- check. New job- check. Get gas- check. Remember your phone, keys and wallet everyday- check. Make sure to eat well, and stop after the third cookie- check. Make sure to smile at people- check. Put money in the violin case of the girl on the street corner playing beautiful music and saving up for a mission- check. Recycle- check. Read the news- check. Eat the produce you bought with good intentions before it goes bad- check. Buy toilet paper, do your laundry, go to church- check, check check.

Then at some point, when you snap your neck and your chiropractor tells you it's partly because you've built up emotional stress. Emotional stress? What could I be worried about? Is it the student loans I haven't begun paying off? The new windshield that I need to buy for my car? The fact that my bedroom window is painted shut and I can't get fresh air? Is it because it is so flippin' hard to find nylons that don't run after 5 uses? Or maybe it's because my car is so very messy because I've neglected it because of my busy schedule. Or the guilt I feel for not sending out a thank-you note to someone who was SO kind to me recently. Could it be the fact that I'm not married yet? Ha ha, let's be honest- maybe.

Well, I'm sure these are all situations that would be nice if they were a bit different. But I, who am so extremely blessed and immensely grateful, almost to the point of literally pinching myself every single day for the glorious friends, fulfilling work, supportive family, cozy home, considerate roommates, enriching truth of the Gospel, and emotional peace and general feeling of bliss that I have (not to mention extremely comfortable wedge high heeled shoes that are my favorite shoe ever). I who have all this, what in this whole wide world, could I possibly stand in need of?

And then it happened. I watched a video tonight- a portion of a rough cut for a video I've been able to help with. A thousand moments passed in the last while of being directly involved in this production, but it was much deeper than that. I had more invested in this message than just the fact that I had helped arrange transportation at one of the shoots, or that I obtained a release form from one of the interviewers. These people were speaking of things they KNOW. Truths that I came to KNOW long ago. Though not as clearly and profoundly as they know it at their ages.

It wasn't the swelling of the music, and it wasn't the beauty of the pixels on the screen that drew me in and left my face soaking with tears and utterly exhausted from crying, without a napkin or kleenex or piece of toilet paper around. Who cares about make-up smudges at this time of night? When I'm exhausted and spent and happy.

The video that I watched today struck a chord with me. It was that feeling of 'Going Home'. Am I homesick? I didn't think so. This can't be explained away as general homesickness. And maybe I am homesick for my home in Heaven.

I was touched tonight because of the overwhelming reality of a spiritual 'hug' of sorts from my Heavenly Father. And He just wanted to say, "I see you. I get it. You're road is not being walked alone. And you don't realize what you're building here. I love you and I have a plan for you, and YOU are MINE. I didn't forget about you. This is Reality. This is true love- and you are my daughter."

I got a hug today and I didn't even know I needed it. Thanks for that. Check.