WHY I FIGHT

I was asked to contribute an entry for my new favorite cause: Fight The New Drug.

http://www.fightthenewdrug.org/Blog/Blog-Detail/WHY-

I-FIGHT--Rachel/

This is why I fight:

Growing up in a conservative family, I was sheltered when it came to the appearance and pervasiveness of pornography. I knew from school that there were guys looking at naked women in magazines on our choir trips, and I'm sure even more magazines were hidden under their beds at home. Other than the sexual innuendos in movies that everyone watched, and the XXX adult bookstore in our city, that I'm sure only 'really bad people' went to, I was pretty unaware of what was available.

Later in college I became more aware of the prevalence and addictive nature of porn. I knew about internet filters, and heard of people losing their jobs after finding material on their work computers. I heard about marriages ending because guys couldn't leave the stuff alone. I thought an 'addict' was someone who was pretty out of control, and hoped I wouldn't ever be married to someone who had any signs of getting involved in it. I didn't want to deal with all of the emotional consequences that would come from that kind-of addiction, so I avoided the 'creepers' who would pick up pornography.

I directly applied my perception of pornography to the people who participate in it. Ugly, bad, perverted, disgusting, pathetic, worthless, creepy, and those who used it as people I'd never want to associate with.

Then the face of pornography users changed for me. Three times.

I dated a guy who had been highly addicted to pornography in his youth and early adulthood. He was one of the top writers of erotic literature at age 15. He was deeply entrenched in pornographic literature, videos, and images which affected his sexual life. He gave up every involvement in pornography three years ago. Was he a creeper? A bad guy? A freak? This man is one of the most incredible people I know. His character is admirable, his personality good and kind and generous. His general disposition is beatific, and free of that dark and secret addiction. This man is free.

The second guy I came in contact with that admitted to me his involvement in pornography was still overcoming his struggle. My vocabulary changed. I took a phrase from Tony Horton, the P90X fitness guy, "Don't say 'I Can't,' say 'I currently struggle with." I was now seeing "porn users" as "people who currently struggle with the addiction – Pornography." I have a great respect and admiration for this guy. He was so open about the issue, and so clear to separate the person from the addiction. He no longer believed that he was intrinsically messed up, but realized that his choice was tripping him up in all aspects of his life. He worked with an addiction recovery program to rid his life of porn, recognize the reasons and tendencies that led to it's involvement, and to understand it as the deceptive counterfeit that it is. "It was never about sex for me. I viewed pornography because I was looking for something to be filled- boredom, loneliness, intimacy, connection, etc." He told me about a t-shirt that says, "I'm not IT." Whatever IT is, it's separate from what we are, and therefore it's manageable, treatable, we can dig it up destroy it before it destroys us.

My last example was the story of Seth. His video can be found on the FTND website. I think a lot of people can relate to his story. Just a good guy who picked up some crappy stuff that tripped up different areas of his life and his relationships. I've met Seth and I can tell from the video and from his disposition that he is reaping the blissful benefits of a life free from addiction.

These people changed the way I look at recovering addicts and former users of pornography. And these people are all around us.

I like the way Fight The New Drug approaches this issue. Educating with science, facts, and personal accounts, I want to help people see what it is doing to their lives, their relationships, and our society, so that we decrease the demand for the industry.

Those who understand what pornography is capable of realize it's an uncomfortable topic. But it breeds in privacy and secrecy. We need to start talking about it. Gone are the days when people are oblivious to it's presence, and free from it's effects in their families, communities, and society. We all need to embrace people, and treat pornography as an addiction. When you shine the light of understanding and education on the issue, it's much easier to fight for people that we care about who are involved in it.

I'll always fight it.

-Rachel

(past notes) 25 THINGS ABOUT ME

25 Things About Me

From Friday, 30 January 2009

1. I wouldn't consider myself a food connoisseur, but I definitely have a taste and certain appreciation for finely crafted food. That being said, I often tolerate and even embrace food that has no taste whatsoever, in the name of health, creativity, or convenience.

2. It is a lifelong dream of mine to run a marathon, and something always gets in the way. This time it's patellofemoral pain syndrome in my knee, but I plan to kick it and run 2 1/2 marathons this year.

3. I love the scent of Tide laundry detergent.

4. I am not particularly political, but certainly patriotic. I love nothing more than to listen to an intelligent political conversation, where at least one person having the dialogue has the same values as I do.

5. I use a goLITE Bluewave therapy light, affectionately known as the Happy Light every morning as a remedy for Seasonal Affective Disorder, and it feels like summer every day!

6. When I was 5, my mom sent me up to the counter at McDonald's to buy more fries, and my sister watched in awe as I went up there and she whispered, "She is SO brave!" The phrase has stuck, and I'm the "brave" one of the family.

7. I accidentally stuck a pink light bright peg up my nose when I was 4, and it took 3 hours and 3 doctors to get it out.

9. When I water ski, I make it a point to wave at people in nearby boats and cabins, and my brother-in-law makes fun of me relentlessly for it.

10. I used to sing in a karoake competition at the Spokane County Fair when I was in Junior High.

11. I love, love, love video editing. I went into broadcasting with a distaste for professional involvement in news, tv, or movies, but I have a particular passion for making video biographies of people's lives, and helping them organize, digitize, and archive home videos and other family media.

12. I love sunrises and sunsets and have been known to drive spontaneously, long distances to see a good sunset.

13. I am addicted to peanut butter and cannot buy it for myself, because I eat it by the spoonful like ice cream. Especially natural peanut butter.

14. I shot a .45 last month and thoroughly enjoyed it.

15. My favorite chef is a talented man named Ian Wingate, and he owns a fabulous restaurant in Spokane Washington called Moxie, which I go to about once a year.

16. I want to go sky diving and para sailing someday. I'd love nothing more than going on a hot air balloon on my honeymoon.

17. I'm a bit of a perfectionist and a procrastinator which gets me in trouble sometimes. I once did a 15 page research paper on procrastination, which I started a day before and turned in an hour late. I'm also often late to things.

18. I can bake anything. Quite well.

19. I love hole in the wall restaurants and quaint little bakeries. I could live in a small town with a lot of character, or an old city rich with history and culture. It really doesn't matter to me, as long as there's something unique to learn all the time.

20. I have recently discovered early morning workouts and am slightly addicted to the solitude of it all.

21. I can watch almost any movie and gain religious insights and draw parallels to the gospel.

22. I have an extremely low tolerance for scary or evil movies. I can't watch anything remotely scary because it inevitable gives me nightmares.

23. I have a fascination with positive psychology and am openly a fan of Alfred Adler's theories. I did some research about older people and inter-generational service learning, and I like understanding more about graceful and optimistic aging.

24. Thunderstorm, no umbrella, flip flops. A perfect scenario.

25. I love spontaneity, raspberries with homemade vanilla ice cream, taking naps on the grass, family, and all the simplest but profoundly important moments and values in life.

(past notes) LIKE AN AVOCADO

Facebook Note from Sunday, 19 July 2009:

Like An Avocado

So I was chatting with my mom today about my upcoming life change. I had the imagery of a piece of fruit being plucked from a tree. But it was strange- I couldn't decide if I wasn't ripe enough to be picked or if I was too ripe and dried out that I wasn't a good candidate for picking.

Let me explain.

There are two aspects of my life that are going in the opposite direction. But the potential for them to both improve is very possible as I graduate next week. My social scene and my career.

As for the fruit- I do feel inadequate to leave this greenhouse of growth as far as my career goes, even though my greatest supporters assure me that I'm more than qualified to enter the workforce. For weeks I tossed around the idea of finding a way to stay just one more semester so I that I could be a part of all the fabulous things happening with my job at University Communications, and learn much more about equipment, editing, and refining my producing skills. Since I started work as a producer in March, my opportunities and progress have exploded beyond anything I could have imagined. It's been a FUN ride navigating through a newly developing concept of where the department is going, and figuring it out together with everyone. It's produced a new awareness and skill set in me, and I didn't really want it to end.

A few weeks ago I was in the middle of a long day before Guitars Unplugged getting our commercials approved and coordinating with the production team and helping with the last bits of b-roll. I kept saying all day, "I love my job," and I had this intense feeling come over me of contentment and excitement for what I was doing and fear for the future. I thought, "Can it get any better than this? Really, can there be anything more worthwhile?" This ride has been one of the most fulfilling I've ever endeavored.

In the last year and a half, I've volunteered working at concerts, shot devotionals, TD'd, edited promotional pieces, training material, classroom shoots, worked on the Rexburg and Twin Falls Temple Cultural Celebrations, a CES broadcast, graduations, large-scale activities shoots, and learned so much about my craft. I've helped with story development, script assessment, casting, scheduling, producing, shooting, lighting, organizing, and a myriad of other skills as a video producer.

I've been surrounded by people who have tutored and trained me. They've inspired and supported me in my journey of creativity. This support system has been invaluable. It's very much like the theme song to "Cheers." The atmosphere at Video Production/University Communication is contagious, and it feels so great to be there among people who are trying to become better, and have a genuine passion for making quality media.

So I didn't want to leave because I feel I'm not proficient in my skill set yet, and I thought one more semester would do the trick. One more semester, and I'd be an expert in Final Cut Pro 6, Color, Motion, DVD Studio Pro and the rest of the FC Studio. One more semester and I'd understand the ex3 a ton better, have a knack for lighting well, and have a pretty good crash course in audio. One more semester and I'd be able to glean more information from the minds of these people that I admire so much. I admire them not because of what they know, but because they're so generous in sharing what they know, and helping me become the most marketable, creative, contributing producer of quality, meaningful media that I can possibly be. The kindness and synergy that exists there has made all the difference.

I chatted with my Bishop a few weeks ago and told him of my consideration of this option. He said it's always good to be moving forward. And even though I may not immediately have the production job I want at first (as an editor), and even though I have such a great team of people who are so great for my learning and growth, it's always good to be moving forward in your life. And I knew it. For me I know I need to move on and do something different, even if it means something completely different than what I'm accomplishing here.

As for my social life, I've been a bit of a hermit this semester. I haven't made any efforts to contact and cultivate friendships with even some of the best of my friends from past semesters. A simple hello when we pass by on campus, and off I go to the studio or my apartment. I've become way too complacent with my friendships and efforts to accept dates and other opportunities for a social life. In the name of 'busy-ness' (which is relative- everyone's busy) or being burned out, I've let great opportunities for friendship and service go, and I may have become socially awkward as well. Hopefully as I settle in this next phase of life, I'll develop more talents and hobbies and friendships that I was never aware of and didn't have the capacity or time or perspective or paradigm to have before.

So, as my mom pointed out, whether I'm ripe or not, I'm going to get plucked off the tree. Soon. And avocados simply cannot ripen while they're still on the tree. So maybe the best is yet to come. Maybe it's closer than I think. Like the avocado.

I've heard before that I bloom wherever I'm planted. But that doesn't mean uprooting doesn't hurt a bit, or I don't miss the flowers around me.

My cousin Amy gave me this quote as I finished my mission a few years ago and I love it:

"That time is past, and all its aching joys are now no more, and all its dizzy raptures. Not for this faint I, nor mourn nor murmer; other gifts have followed; for such loss, I would believe, abundant recompense."
-William Wordsworth

(past notes) AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER

I decided to post a few entries from my notes on Facebook. Some of my favorites will be posted hereafter with the date. I plan to blog more regularly.

From Thursday, April 29, 2010:
An Affair to Remember


This is a night I’ll always remember. I wasn’t even going to go. As I waited in line for 20 minutes at Nauvoo Café and scarfed down my sandwich to rush over to the Conference Center in time, I thought, “Is it worth it?” I hurried to my seat and sat as thousands entered the building-many with silver or white hair talking about the Family History centers in their wards or stakes of which they’re a part. This topic ultimately bringing us all here tonight. “I’m so tired, and didn’t sleep much last night. I could be at home doing something productive,” I thought, “rather than just chilling at an event downtown when I’m SO SO tired.” I looked to the older couple sitting next to me. How his body must be tired. How her patience must have been refined through years of sitting and waiting. I could do it to for the next 90 minutes or so.

“But I should be here,” I thought. I’m a Family History consultant in my ward, and I’ve been trying to learn as much as I can so I don’t feel like an idiot when I try to help people on Sundays. It’s exciting too, but really, I mean honestly, could I have the time in all my life to dedicate my efforts to learning what these experts know? And wasn’t this just going to be a feel-good meeting, when I needed to actually be on the computer learning the system? Maybe my attitude wasn’t this bad, but I had no idea what was about to happen to me.

My ultimate goal of dedicating a portion of my life to a business that makes video biographies of people’s lives seemed so far off to me. I’m working toward it, but I was thinking, “How many people will actually see the videos I make? Will their grand-children really watch them and be inspired to become better because of knowing more about who their grandparents were?”

Sitting in that room full of over 20,000 people is humbling and it makes you feel quite small, as if what you do can’t possibly have a massive effect. Still it felt good to be at the Celebration of Family History tonight.

President Eyring spoke of his meeting his wife Kathleen. He talked about how from the second he saw her, he felt something, and every encounter with her made him feel like he had made a connection with part of his family. We all laughed at this comparison to doing family history work, but he made it come alive. Because each of these people we study and connect to our family tree had a story and a vision and were passionate. I’m waiting for that connection that will start my family, but in the waiting, I learned today one more purposeful way to spend my time and make sure that what I’m building is a more rich and fulfilling life with that person.

He talked about someone (I struggle with quoting) an ordinary person who felt like even in the vast sea of people and existence, as he tries to be part of something bigger than he is, his life just might matter to those who live after him. President Eyring then said, “So I must live it the best that I can.”

The videos that were played tonight, were stunning. The entire meeting was very personal to me especially, as I am a Family History Consultant, a member of the Church Audio/Visual department, a future maker of family video biographies, and as I realized my passion for that art is still alive.

After one funny but poignant video about a boy learning the bagpipes which later inspired his family to understand their Scottish heritage and celebrate it, the choir then sang along with that grown boy and his bagpipes, my very favorite song of all time which has extreme personal importance to me, “Amazing Grace.” I didn’t try to fight tears. They flowed freer and wetter than I had surface on my hands to dry them off my face. This was important. This was worth it.

David McCollough then gave a moving and stimulating speech on coming to know people. He said “People didn’t live in the past. They lived in the present. Their present. And to understand them, we have to understand their present- by reading what they read, the classics, and reading what they wrote, their intimate thoughts and impressions.” He explained why Journals are so important, and that no one is a self-made man, but we are all influenced by the people we never knew. They’ve all shaped us. And we find out who they are- not so different from us, in essentials, as we read their journals. President Eyring talked about that- how he had a distinct impression once that these experiences were not just for him, and to write them down. I would give my left pinky to have video of my mom or grandma or great grandpa when they were my age, talking about the things that were important or scary or exciting to them. To see their facial expressions, and hear their voice inflections. Yes, this is important.

David then then went into political, social, and artistic history and tried to explain what the people before us were working for, fighting for. It reminded me of one of my favorite quotes by J. Michael Straczynski, "We have to make people lift their eyes back to the horizon and see the line of ancestors behind us saying `make my life have meaning.' And to our inheritors before us saying 'create the world we will live in.' We're not just holding jobs and having dinner, we are the process of building the future."

It inspired me to read and spend my time in enriching my life becoming more interesting and sharing, by my attitude, with others the joy and truth of things that are good and honorable and worth passing on. I felt sad for all the time I’ve wasted in shallow, superficial, and forgettable endeavors, and hope there is enough time in my life to make up for it and to take every opportunity to spend more quality time with quality pursuits.

Yes, this was a very memorable night. And it was worth it.