(past notes) LIKE AN AVOCADO

Facebook Note from Sunday, 19 July 2009:

Like An Avocado

So I was chatting with my mom today about my upcoming life change. I had the imagery of a piece of fruit being plucked from a tree. But it was strange- I couldn't decide if I wasn't ripe enough to be picked or if I was too ripe and dried out that I wasn't a good candidate for picking.

Let me explain.

There are two aspects of my life that are going in the opposite direction. But the potential for them to both improve is very possible as I graduate next week. My social scene and my career.

As for the fruit- I do feel inadequate to leave this greenhouse of growth as far as my career goes, even though my greatest supporters assure me that I'm more than qualified to enter the workforce. For weeks I tossed around the idea of finding a way to stay just one more semester so I that I could be a part of all the fabulous things happening with my job at University Communications, and learn much more about equipment, editing, and refining my producing skills. Since I started work as a producer in March, my opportunities and progress have exploded beyond anything I could have imagined. It's been a FUN ride navigating through a newly developing concept of where the department is going, and figuring it out together with everyone. It's produced a new awareness and skill set in me, and I didn't really want it to end.

A few weeks ago I was in the middle of a long day before Guitars Unplugged getting our commercials approved and coordinating with the production team and helping with the last bits of b-roll. I kept saying all day, "I love my job," and I had this intense feeling come over me of contentment and excitement for what I was doing and fear for the future. I thought, "Can it get any better than this? Really, can there be anything more worthwhile?" This ride has been one of the most fulfilling I've ever endeavored.

In the last year and a half, I've volunteered working at concerts, shot devotionals, TD'd, edited promotional pieces, training material, classroom shoots, worked on the Rexburg and Twin Falls Temple Cultural Celebrations, a CES broadcast, graduations, large-scale activities shoots, and learned so much about my craft. I've helped with story development, script assessment, casting, scheduling, producing, shooting, lighting, organizing, and a myriad of other skills as a video producer.

I've been surrounded by people who have tutored and trained me. They've inspired and supported me in my journey of creativity. This support system has been invaluable. It's very much like the theme song to "Cheers." The atmosphere at Video Production/University Communication is contagious, and it feels so great to be there among people who are trying to become better, and have a genuine passion for making quality media.

So I didn't want to leave because I feel I'm not proficient in my skill set yet, and I thought one more semester would do the trick. One more semester, and I'd be an expert in Final Cut Pro 6, Color, Motion, DVD Studio Pro and the rest of the FC Studio. One more semester and I'd understand the ex3 a ton better, have a knack for lighting well, and have a pretty good crash course in audio. One more semester and I'd be able to glean more information from the minds of these people that I admire so much. I admire them not because of what they know, but because they're so generous in sharing what they know, and helping me become the most marketable, creative, contributing producer of quality, meaningful media that I can possibly be. The kindness and synergy that exists there has made all the difference.

I chatted with my Bishop a few weeks ago and told him of my consideration of this option. He said it's always good to be moving forward. And even though I may not immediately have the production job I want at first (as an editor), and even though I have such a great team of people who are so great for my learning and growth, it's always good to be moving forward in your life. And I knew it. For me I know I need to move on and do something different, even if it means something completely different than what I'm accomplishing here.

As for my social life, I've been a bit of a hermit this semester. I haven't made any efforts to contact and cultivate friendships with even some of the best of my friends from past semesters. A simple hello when we pass by on campus, and off I go to the studio or my apartment. I've become way too complacent with my friendships and efforts to accept dates and other opportunities for a social life. In the name of 'busy-ness' (which is relative- everyone's busy) or being burned out, I've let great opportunities for friendship and service go, and I may have become socially awkward as well. Hopefully as I settle in this next phase of life, I'll develop more talents and hobbies and friendships that I was never aware of and didn't have the capacity or time or perspective or paradigm to have before.

So, as my mom pointed out, whether I'm ripe or not, I'm going to get plucked off the tree. Soon. And avocados simply cannot ripen while they're still on the tree. So maybe the best is yet to come. Maybe it's closer than I think. Like the avocado.

I've heard before that I bloom wherever I'm planted. But that doesn't mean uprooting doesn't hurt a bit, or I don't miss the flowers around me.

My cousin Amy gave me this quote as I finished my mission a few years ago and I love it:

"That time is past, and all its aching joys are now no more, and all its dizzy raptures. Not for this faint I, nor mourn nor murmer; other gifts have followed; for such loss, I would believe, abundant recompense."
-William Wordsworth